This is the origin of my story.
Before I share the design idea of the Experiment, let me share a bit of history. My friends and I joke about how I should write a book with my experience of divorce, due to being a self labeled existentialist, it can put a funny twist on things. My situation was no more, or less, painful, or unique, from any other person's. It did have a bit of a Stone Phillips Dateline Special quality to it. The ex was living some sort of creepy double life with another woman involved. She didn't, and still does not, know about me. And at the time I didn't know about her. We all intuitively know when our partners go astray, but we don't always know when it matters most. So lets get the awkward, whiny, ill advised, angry as hell, divorce sentiment out of the way.
Anonymity is a good thing. It allows for uncensored recanting of potentially shocking things. In all of my adventures, sexcapades and mishaps, I will remain anonymous, as will all other participants, with one exception. . . my dirty rotten scoundrel of an ex husband. "Why?" you ask. Because fuck it! I have a story to start here. I'm not getting back at him (karma will take care of that for me. Thank you karma), or punishing him (the grave he digs himself will be far deeper and wider than any thing I could do, he does have strong arms after all). Honestly, he does not know what a blog is. I had to teach him what e-mail was in 2004 and set him up with an account. I used to get calls at work when he couldn't remember what to click to gain access to the content of his e-mails. The last call came in 2007. I think I'm safe. I am not a vindictive person, I assure you, he will never lay eyes on this blog. But to answer the question of why, because all good stories have to have a beginning, a middle and though some never do, there is supposed to be an end.
My ex husband worked hard to keep his indeicresion a secret from family, friends, and most of all me. It worked for a while and everyone thought he had honest intentions in divorcing me. Guess what, I figured out what happened. And Schmmop (my previous pet name for him) if you ever do find this blog, remember, there is a better chance of aliens taking over the Earth, and read it, which you won't, I want to thank you for a few things:
Thank you JDM for waisting so much of the valuable time in my 20's, I could have seen the world twice over in the time I spent with you. Now I know what waste feels like.
Thank you JDM for lying to me, your family, my family, and our friends about your intentions, who you are, and how low you sank. Now I know how to look a liar in the face and say "bullshit."
Thank you JDM for giving my a urinary tract infection because you were fucking someone else (thank you God, Buddha, Zeus, and the Fates for not giving him, hence me, anything worse or permanent) while we were married. Now I know to always, always listen to what my body is telling me.
Thank you JDM for forcing me to take all of the possessions in our house, so that you wouldn't have to face the reality of the choice you made, double life shit, not divorce, every time you looked at the buffet that we picked out together. Now I know how to re-purpose things.
Thank you JDM for kicking me out of our marriage, our life, our home, our investments, and our quasi mature adult life, oh yea, and keeping everything of value that we worked for. Now I know what truly having nothing feels like.
Thank you JDM for cheating on me. Now, I know that IF you had NOT gotten caught cheating (still don't know who caught you, but most likely my guardian angel, I wish I knew, I would bake them some cookies) I would have continued to life a life half fulfilled. Not because I wasn't happy and complete in myself, or completely in love with you, all of you, the good the bad and the ugly, and our life, rather, because none of that was reciprocated. Frankly I deserve better. Independent of each other, both sets of our parents, at one point or another , said to me that I will do way better than you JDM, but you will never do better than me. That is fucking profound, to have your mother, who created you, carried you inside of her, bore you a soul, and a heart in the figurative & literal sense. Now I know just how much I deserve someone who can reciprocate the energy and unconditional love that oozes from me.
And lastly I want to thank you JDM. Because if it were not for you, I would not have embarked on the greatest adventure in life I've had thus far. I'm only a few months into my adventure but it may be the best few months of my life yet, and it all started when the divorce fog cleared, and I turned 29.
Am I over the divorce & a love lost? YES! I will always hate that my ex lied to me, and to both of our families and all of our friends. It makes me sick to my stomach to think that the other woman (oh, I know who she is too) is in the dark about what type of man my ex is. Why keep her in the dark? Why not be honest and let her decide for herself if she wants to be in a relationship with a man like that? Oh, I know why. . . because it would make her sick to her stomach too. But I don't hate hate him. There are far better things to use my passionate anger on, like the state of the world, the lack of mental health care for our veterans, drug laws, the inadequacy of our welfare & protective services departments, our failing school systems, but mostly the fact that I can't find the mate to my lucky pair of argyle socks.
I' m sure someday I'll learn how it turns out for him.
