New Year? I think not!

Dear Muskrat,


What about each passing year makes us think it is new? I am not sure if I buy the notion of rebirth. I have gown & gotten older and wiser, I make more money and different choices than 10 years ago, each day I care a little less about the stuff in life and care more about life itself. I even listen to classical music on the radio sometimes. Shhhh, don't tell anyone.


Wise people for centuries have said that this is the path to self actualization. But where is the rebirth that is attached to the new year? I know it was used as a way of lifting spirits up in the dead of winter when things are cold, gray and bleak. But I am not a deciduous tree that regrows its leaves each year. Nor I am someone who can answer the great questions of the universe by becoming a "born again" Christian. I don't have faith in rituals that shed us of the experiences in life in the hopes that we become a blank slate or pure again. Those experiences have crafted us!


We carry who we are everywhere we go. I am not sure why I thought my experience would be any different. I am perhaps more of my true self now that I am away from those I love so dearly and miss so much. There is not that safety net to explore in life, rather I am forced to explore. Why did I trade in my life that was full of love, goodness, health, comfort, home, activity and creativity for the complete unknown. It surely was not to have a rebirth.


I left to look into myself. I left to cultivate my soul by reflecting on the world around me, by reading and writing, by playing my instruments & catching up on sleep & taking bubble baths & sewing & creating & learning. But at the core of it, I left to learn love. Not to learn to love. Not to learn about love. Not to fall in love. I left to learn love.


In this season of rebirth, I realize that I, just like the famous bumper sticker says, was "born ok the first time." I can not change my past, and shedding it would mean losing part of my soul, a turbulent part, full of hurt and triumph.


So I argue this, we are not destine for rebirth, rather we are like the Phoenix. We burn away and rise from the ashes that are our smoldering past and eventually those ashes go cold. Hopefully by that time, we have risen far enough above the soot as not to singe our beautiful tail feathers. No rebirth! Just get burned and then rise and rise and rise. And decide quickly when you feel you rectrix feather start to heat up, if you need to burn or if you just need to rise more quickly.


Most Sincerely Yours,
Mink