The orgasm. It is like one of the fates. It can guide you through life or it can play a trick on you OR one day it can be there and one day it can be gone. An orgasm can be there, it can evade you, it can almost happen, it can happen several times almost in a row, you can do it to yourself, it can happen in your sleep, someone else can do it to you, it can happen from running up stairs really, really fast (party bonus of being a girl), there are all kinds of interesting things that pulse & vibrate, that have different textures, temperatures, consistencies, that can make it happen.
So why the fuck, dear reader, has mine gone missing? First of all, part of me wants to blame porn. What is with dudes that emulate what they see? Who decided it was a good idea to teach men that the way to the female orgasm is to rub hard, fast, flick, stretch, bite, pat, smack, forcefully pull & push?
Really now. Really? Come on! Just on the off chance that one of my lovers, or potential lovers reads this entry, let me give you a few pointers.
1.) If you have ever played a brass or woodwind instrument, you should fucking know better. Shame on you for forgetting how to use your tongue & lips to manipulate a body part that is the size of a pencil eraser.
2.) If you ever have a chance to take Midori's "How to eat a peach" class do it and you will be set for life, trust me. Just do it.
3.) The best thing in the world to do is to is to start with every other body part before you ever even approach the clitoris. Just like an old car, you should always warm her up before you drive her. Kiss her, a lot, all over, be gentile all over, but mostly kiss her a lot. Trust me, the more aroused she is, the rougher you can get! But if you start off rough, it ain't going to happen
4.) If you don't know, or were not paying particularly close attention in sex ed class, the clit works much the same as the penis. As the human it is attached to becomes more and more aroused, it swells with blood in order for it to be easier to find. Both genders start with a bit of protective skin covering it, but thanks to the modern practice of circumcision, many of you gents are sans your coat of armor. WE LADIES STILL HAVE IT! So, if you can't something, that when swollen is the size of a thumb tack, chances are it isn't fully aroused yet, duh!
Why is this on my mind. . . . . . because despite my struggle to loose all shame & uncomfortable whatnot that we all somehow associate with the sex we have, I can't bring myself to discuss this with the gent that is currently my lover. Ha! So there will continue to be a lack of Oh God, Oh God, Oh God until I put my freaking big girl pants on and do one of two things, let him read my blog or sit down over a cup of coffee & a copy of the cunt coloring book, a box of crayolas & rock it out. . .. . sigh. . . ..
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